Recognizing FAKE FRIENDS

Freniemies don't just exist on social media. They have been around for centuries. We all feel their artificial presence in our lives and try to ignore their smiles, gossips, and criticism. My strategy - kill them with kindness.

Parents can prepare children for the reality shock and the fact that so many people just 'don't care' about others. Unfortunately, most of the time, there is no avoiding frenemies.

Fake friends contact you only if they need something. If your child has a friend that texts or calls only to ask for a favor or to gossip about others, chances are that that very child talks badly behind your child's back as well.

As a parent, you can sit down and have a conversation with your child about different friends that like to check in, come over just to hang out, or zoom/facetime routinely. Recognize the friends that act naturally around your child. Have a conversation with the friend, you will be able to get to know her/him better. Few questions, not interrogation though - where do you live? Do you have any siblings? Do you like sports or dance? Please keep in mind it is not appropriate nor adequate to ask what car the parents drive, or how much money they make!

The first type of a fake friend is a jealous frenemy - your child's friend could be jealous because of the looks, sense of humour, toys, popularity, or clothes.

A jealous friend is bad news, he or she will most likely try to undermine your child, make fun of achievements, and critisize every single glimpse of greatness. That frenemy tries to direct the conversation towards themselves ALWAYS - it is me, me, and ...me!

The second type of frenemy is an insecure one. You may notice your child questioning a friend - does she really help me or just bugs me all the time? He/she never wants to do anything/ waits for me to make a decision.

Your child wants to feel accepted and many times might let things slide and, eventually might end up being used -whether it is for a ride, borrowing toys, or asking to pay for things.

Furthermore, frenemy that is insecure will do anything for popularity and recognition, even lie and tell fibs.

THERE IS NO TRUST!

The third type is a frenemy that undermines EVERYTHING!!!

Ask you child if their best friend is happy about your child's win, a trophy, an achievement?

A frenemy of this kind will criticize and downplay any greatness. Your child may feel extremely happy and communicate the excitement with the frenemy. In response the frenemy might make negative comments and even ridicule the achievement.

Your child may then have a dilema whether it is even worth mentioning a recent win or a good grade. This situation builds anxiety and often leads to depression.

That is the last thing you want for your child. Their success should always be recognized. Parents are more likely to celebrate their child's successes, since their love is unconditional.

However, friendships are often more important to your child and sought after. Your child might feel crushed that a friend does not share their excitement.

Again, communication is the key. Have a conversation about each friend. Try not to force friendships upon your child just because you do business with somebody. Society is filled with people acting as friends only to try to benefit from one another.

Ask open ended questions - what do you like about him /her the most? How do you feel about him/her? What is the craziest thing you two have done together? Which friend do you miss the most and why?

LIVING WITH FRENEMY

True friends are supportive and caring, they call to check in, they ask about you and not constantly just talk about themselves. They celebrate every win and cry every failure. They stick up for one another especially if bullying occurs.

Parents cannot make those frenemies disappear, neither tell their child not to hang out with them anymore. However, parents can guide and have a conversation that at the end makes their child realize who the true friend is. These are great coping skills that prepare your child for life.

One last thing - as a parent we should never judge or criticize our child's friends. We should ask questions and try to get to know them. In the era of social media - the image of a friend might appear as distorted or fake - people have a tenedency to post HAPPY photos for the likes and popularity, to outdo the others or to make themselves feel better - it is a form an instant gratification, no different than reaching to the freezer for a gallon of Ben And Jerry's.

Marie Antoinette appears so pretty and perect in this picture, and yet...